Isn't It Obvious?
by nananine
Summary: When a mysterious object lands on Elicoor, it's up to Nel, Albel, and Roger to figure out what it is. Maybe. K for hideously mild language. No pairings, just pure, unadulterated crack.


When a mysterious object lands on Elicoor, it's up to Nel, Albel, and Roger to figure out what it is. Maybe.

K+ for very mild language. Hideously mild.

No pairings, just pure, unadulterated crack.

Disclaimer: If I owned Star Ocean, Albel's second costume would be _more_ revealing, not less…

Isn't It Obvious?

Three figures stood at the bridge connecting Aquaria to the Sanmite Republic, breathing heavily from exertion and looking ready to collapse. "That wasn't…very…manly…" a small boy said between gasps.

"For once…I have to…agree…with the little rodent. We should have…finished the job." The taller man leaned against the railing of the bridge. Not for support, of course, but for the air of nonchalance.

Definitely not support.

The last figure glared at both of her companions. "Roger, even manly warriors need to learn that discretion is the better part of valor. And Albel…" The man in question scowled, anticipating the sentiment of her reply.

"Don't be an ass."

He wasn't disappointed.

"You survived on nothing but fury, and you look worse than me and Roger put together."

The Menodix boy plopped to the ground and lay back in the grass, his legs no longer fit to keep him upright. "That's true. I can't disagree with a beautiful woman like Lady Nel."

Albel growled at Roger, "Regardless, it doesn't mean…" A loud yelp interrupted the warrior's tirade, as the young boy rolled over to avoid being hit by an object falling from the sky. It landed with a dull _thunk_, the edge lodging itself in the soft earth.

The three Elicoorians hesitantly moved closer to the strange…thing. All of them were silent until the long-haired warrior broke in.

"What the hell is it?"

Nel smirked. "The great Albel Nox doesn't know what this is? I thought you at least a little smarter than that."

"Geez, Albel. Even I know what it is. It's a helmet for manly men to wear proudly into battle!"

The moody Elicoorian man snickered, imagining the rodent-boy running around the field with that…thing…on his head. "I know exactly what it is, you pathetic fools. It's a weapon. Clearly one meant for throwing with these, umm…_protrusions_ on the side for better grip."

Nel just shook her head. The two morons obviously had no idea how the thing was used. She bent down to examine it. "This thing is definitely a receptacle…of sorts. For storing potions and accessories and such."

"Of course it is! Lady Nel, you're so smart, why didn't I see it before?"

"You're both daft." Albel dropped into a crouch next to the thing and jabbed a finger at it. "If it's used to hold a bunch of worthless junk, then why is there all this writing on the side? It must be a spell of some sort."

"Or a curse. Neat!" Roger supplied, reaching out to pull the thing from the dirt.

"Don't touch it!" Nel shouted. "If you think it might be cursed, why would you ever try to pick it up?" She sighed. "I can't imagine how you two manage to survive daily life being as ignorant as you are. We should probably…"

"Hey," came a new voice from across the bridge. All three Elicoorians turned suddenly to see a blue-haired boy walking towards them. "What are you guys doing down there?"

"Fayt, we were just about to look for you."

"We were?" Albel asked dryly.

Nel, choosing to ignore him, continued. "This…thing…just fell out of the sky and we wondered if you knew what it was."

"Hmph. As if this maggot would…"

"It's a trophy." The three stared blankly until Fayt continued. "You know, it's something that commemorates an accomplishment."

"Like when you bring the severed head of a rebellious warlord back to your king after triumphant victory?"

"Yeah, it's…well…no. It's not really like that at all, Albel. That's gruesome." He sighed and ran a hand through blue locks. "It's more of a prize for winning something. Let's see what yours is for." Fayt pulled the trophy out of the ground and turned it over in his hands, looking for the inscription.

The Elicoorians watched him expectantly, as Fayt broke into a wide grin. "Did you guys really run away from thirty-one battles in a row?"

"…"

Albel was the first to recover. "We did no such thing, you miserable…"

"Hey, I'm just telling you what's written here. Besides, it's not like…" Fayt paused, struggling to regain his composure. "It's not like I could make up something that ridiculous." His struggles were in vain, as the blue-haired boy broke out into deep-throated laughter.

Nel looked sheepish. "We didn't exactly keep track."

Albel's head whipped around, as the red-head drew attention to herself. "This is all your fault, wench! I told you we should have stayed!" This outburst only served to send Fayt into even stronger, uncontrollable fits of laughter, until his posture was reminiscent of the team after their thirty-first consecutive escape.

Roger, who was watching the spectacle in disgust folded his arms over his chest, looking every bit the petulant child.

"This isn't manly at all."

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AN: Wow. I think this story pretty much speaks for itself. I'm really sorry.


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